1. I was 12-years-old when my grandfather Dennis Poduska died. It was my first experience with death and, as most first experiences go, I was bad at it.

After the burial as everyone was walking from the grave to their cars I turned to my uncle and said something along the lines of, “Well, at least now Grandpa is up in heaven with all of his favorite Yankees.”

My uncle didn’t give me the kind of response I had wanted, which was some sort of smile and firm grasp on the shoulder, something that reaffirmed my belief in heaven as baseball utopia.

But I didn’t understand what my uncle - as a grown man, a father, and a son of recently deceased parent - did. Death has nothing to do with baseball.

That fact has remained with me to this day and will remain with me until the day I die: death has nothing to do with baseball.

My grandmother Dolores Poduska died on June 10.

Two weeks before she passed her family came down to be with her in a hospice center in Cedar Falls, Iowa, and we were able to sit with her and talk with her and hear some of her stories and tell her some of our memories.

My grandma held out much longer than anyone expected and a few days later she told my mother, her daughter, about how her favorite place to be in the world was the kitchen of her home in Laurens, Iowa.

Now, my grandmother loved her family, she loved to cook, she loved to play cards, she loved to smoke cigarettes and she loved to have a drink, and there was one place where all of those wonderful vices could mingle into a stew of pure enjoyment for her, and that was the kitchen.

She didn’t love the kitchen because of the furniture or the appliances or the sink, of course. She loved it because it grappled that joyful diaspora of her favorite things into one cozy place. She was the king in that kitchen, and in that kitchen her world was full.

My father and I left Iowa to go back to Minnesota on May 23 after that initial visit. No one was certain about how long she had to live but my father had been there for four days and needed to get home. My mother stayed behind.

On the way home we listened to the Twins beat the Brewers, and 19 days later my grandma died.

2. I have often thought, and I think many people do, about what it would mean to die. About what it would feel like and what would happen and where it would lead or not lead. It is one of two fantastic and utterly incomprehensible gifts that we all share. We share our beginning and we share our end.

As far as my limited mind can grasp what we do for our life, what we do in the middle of those (x,y) points, is to try and find some kind of fulfillment that can make us happier and hopefully make those around us happier. That is all.

What else could there be?

And surely it is within that simple and tiring quest for happiness that we all begin to draft some idea of what a personal heaven would be. Because if there is a heaven it would have to be something like constant and sustained happiness.

That doesn’t mean self-indulgence and greed, it just means base-level happiness, a way to sustain yourself for your the benefit of you and the world around you.

And my grandmother found that in the kitchen.

So, logically speaking:

Heaven is happiness

Happiness (for my grandmother) is the kitchen.

Therefore heaven is the kitchen.

3. On the Tuesday after her funeral, my father and I went to the Twins/Pirates game.

We didn’t go for an exercise in catharsis, we went to enjoy the game. We went for an early Father’s Day gift. We went to have a beer and watch the girls go by and listen to the bat and watch Joe Mauer. And we stayed late through a bad game to watch Joe Mauer.

Now, if I ever have kids and I ever have a death bed I can guarantee that at no point will I ever say that my favorite place in the world was at the Metrodome on a summer evening.

Just won’t happen.

That isn’t the point.

Again, it isn’t catharsis.

Death has nothing to do with baseball.

But, what I have found myself thinking more and more about - and I have thought about it exhaustively - is what that meant when my grandmother said that her favorite place in the world was in her kitchen, and how that thought gave her happiness in her final days.

Or on a more basic level I guess I have just been thinking about what happiness is.

And while it may be a stupid and endlessly digressive thought it is nonetheless necessary for me personally if I am to find some way to cope with losing someone I loved on the purest level.

As a quick aside I think I should also mention that I have come to the conclusion that grandmother’s teach children about true love.

This is not the love of a parent which is battle-tested and necessarily weighted by the over-arching necessity of teaching children how to live in a world where they can constantly and endlessly screw up.

Not that love. But the love that you feel if you’ve ever loved a woman (or a man if we have a female reader - or if you’re into men) for the first time. If you’ve ever felt that sort of disgusting and constant love where you start acting stupid and immature and somewhat childish because all of a sudden your head is overflowing with a usually sedate emotion that has come to life like one of those robotic beasts in War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise, and that bastard robot just burrows out of the ground (ostensibly your heart) and flies 1,000 feet into the sky (ostensibly your head) and just begins shooting hellfire all over your life.

That kind of love.

That’s grandma love.

And I loved my grandma endlessly and she loved me back, and so if she is gone than it is imperative that I consider what she meant to me, and how she lived, and what she meant to herself, and I have to seriously consider what it meant when she said that in her kitchen her life was complete.

4. I would say that without question I find happiness in watching baseball, and I find it often.

When my father and I went to that Twins/Pirates game I remember just staring at Mauer behind the plate. He had a certain bevy of routines that were oddly fascinating to watch: the way he dangled his glove lightly between his legs before snapping it up right as the pitcher delivered to home, the way he constantly swept dirt behind home plate starting with his right leg sweeping from left to right and then his left leg from right to left, or the way he would sit down on the pads over his calf muscles right up until the pitch was delivered and than stand just so slightly to create a slight and minimum momentum towards the pitch as it came in.

They weren’t of any real importance, but I remember just smiling and thinking that this is a great thing: to see a great athlete in person. It’s probably an odd thing to say, that watching a grown-man play a sport brings you happiness, but there it is.

5. Still, life isn’t just about happiness. Happiness as an emotional state and entity must have a direct and polar opposite, and unhappiness or anger or depression or sadness comes in a multitude of forms.

My grandmother was an addict. She had strong and nearly life-long addictions. Now, as a grandson I didn’t pick up on any of this until I was about 16. I just loved the woman, she loved me back, we ate awesome food, I rubbed my her scalp all the time, I often stretched the skin on her hands until it was tight and she looked young, I played with her penny jar until she gave me some pennies, she bought me pocket-casino games and spoiled me without hesitation.

She was Grandma Poduska. She was pure love. 

But, she was also Grandma Poduska who had a serious and debilitating drinking problem and once chain-smoked in uber-defiance in-front of the whole family as her body was beginning to wilt away and it was apparent she needed care to survive.

She was and is and always will be imperfect.

I’ve always loved imperfect people. I think they’re beyond great. Better than perfect people of course - of which there is none (or only a handful if you subscribe to any number of religions). So, I don’t look down on my grandma for being imperfect and I don’t think she would look down on me for my imperfections.

I neglect everything. Waste everything. I figure I suffer from pride, greed,  envy, lust, occasional gluttony, occasional wrath, and occasional sloth.

That’s all seven of the big ones.

All seven, and I would imagine that at some point in her life my grandma suffered from all seven too.

We were and are and always will be imperfect, and even when she was at the apex of her happiness in the kitchen I imagine that she wasn’t without her imperfections there either.

And while I can often find happiness watching baseball I remember once at a Twins/Red Sox game in 2008 I yelled something along the lines of, “You stupid mother fuc#er!” from the fourth row of the upper-deck bleachers to Ron Gardenhire for not bringing in Joe Nathan in the eighth inning. There were families everywhere. It was right near the kid’s section. I was drunker than hell. Now, Gardy couldn’t hear me, but all those kids could.

We were and we are and we always will be.

6. I really haven’t followed baseball closely for about two months here. Even at the Twins/Pirates game there wasn’t much anger in the loss. I remember my father and I ascending to the exits and briefly revisiting some of the key plays, but there wasn’t much malice in the discussion, I guess we decided there was always the afternoon game on Wednesday.

Still, lately I find myself getting back into it. There still isn’t really any passion. I just kind of watch and especially wait for the Mauer at-bats and at crucial moments I may pay closer attention, but I certainly don’t pace anymore.

I used to pace all the time.

I remember in a White Sox game in 2007 when the Twins were climbing after the Tigers I literally walked from the living room to the kitchen four or five times while Joe Nathan pitched the ninth inning of a one-run game. I had a whole cosmic plan for how to send Nathan good vibes all the way at U.S. Cellular.

But, I haven’t paced much lately, because death brings out the grief and the questions of what it all means.

Still, I guess that probably isn’t what my grandma would want from me.

I often think that baseball is a pointless diversion from the key issues of family and friends and real-life relationships, and my grandmother loved her family and friends first and foremost until the day she died.

But of course there’s always the fact that my grandma loved to gamble.

Absolutely, 120 percent loved it.

My cousin Jenny and I took her gambling once after she had been diagnosed with cancer AND broken her neck falling out of bed.

And she told us to go somewhere else while she played.

I guarantee that in a quiet moment she would have openly admited that given the opportunity to have a slot machine in the kicthen right next to all of her kids and grand kids and great grand kids she would have taken it without hesitation.

I imagine that if there had been a slot-machine in that kitchen and it was over my right shoulder she would have broken mid-conversation to pull that lever and give it a spin.

She loved to gamble.

She had vices.

She was imperfect.

She was a fully-formed and god-blessed and lovely human being.

She loved the kitchen and the kitchen brought her her family and joy and it brought her demons and her nuances. She loved that kitchen, and that kitchen was her place for happiness, but that certainly doesn’t mean she was a saint and everything was perfect there.

And so I figure that if she is in heaven and heaven is happiness then surely my grandma is there with my Grandpa Dennis and an ash-tray and a slot-machine and God is okay with the warts and all.

7. After my grandma died I sort of thought that everything was pointless. That death was the only thing coming for me, and I should concern myself with that. Embrace the certainty and ignore the diversions. 

But that’s a selfish and asinine and pathetic thought.

Because baseball is necessary for me.

It is necessary for my happiness.

I have come to see baseball as a diversion, but like cooking and being in the kitchen for my grandma, it is a diversion with a purpose. For me baseball isn’t really about the game or following the Twins, it’s really about my father and my brother and my uncle and my grandfather and my friends.

It’s about talking nonsense with B.J. or having a beer out in the garage with my dad while the game’s on the radio or calling up and bitching about the Yankees with my brother and uncle. It’s just about connecting with the people I love and filling up the void between those (x,y) points.

I know that I need to mourn the fact that my grandma is gone and in that mourning celebrate her life as best I can. I know that this is a time in life where I should focus on what matters most.

So, I will.

Being a gambler and a smoker and a drinker didn’t make my grandma my grandma, and me being her grandson didn’t either. It was all of it. It was the cacophony.

In death she showed me that being alive and in the kitchen and at the casino and in the grips of addiction and pain and bliss and joy is all of it, and that maybe because all of life is so uncertain and so wonderfully circumstantial, that maybe death in all it’s certainty isn’t worth thinking about at all.

And so I guess I am just trying to say that what my grandma is teaching me is that while death has nothing to do with baseball, that certainly doesn’t mean baseball has nothing to do with heaven.

We at Twinscast would like to apologize for our continued and perpetual absence on both the website and the podcast.

It has been a hectic and personally trying month for the two of us - both professionally and existentially.

Starting next week we will be back with regular site updates and regular twice-a-week shows.

Until then, enjoy Joe Mauer.

Also, please recognize that around a month ago Bryant said that Kevin Slowey (the man with the second most wins in the American League) was the pitcher that he was most worried about after one month of the Twins season.

We may have been gone for awhile but trust in the fact that Bryant is still making incorrect and idiotic predictions to me in private and that those will soon be made public.

Through 21 games the 2009 Twins season is already starting to gain a certain impressive level of disjointedness.

This is nothing new if you’ve followed the Twins at all through this millennium. The 2000’s for the Twins have essentially been one long succession of disjointed successes and failures that have nonetheless allowed the Twins front office to market the image of a successfully rebuilt baseball organization (four AL Central championships) even though they are missing some of the key components of true success in baseball - league championships, world series appearances, playoff series victories, etc.

Basically the Twins have been successful if your definition of success is somewhat tempered.

But, lets get something out in the open: There’s nothing wrong with tempering your idea of success, especially in the Midwest. We can’t all be true-blue success and get our little hands on that huge pile of money that is slowly eroding out there.

I may be able to lie in bed at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning and feel okay about myself, but time is running out and the grand successes that I envision coming true are really just slowly amounting to little failures that prove the limits of my ability and the impossibility of my dream-life scope.

It is a slow-process to come to this realization, just as it may be hard to look at the Twins last this decade and see anything to complain about.

Still, in 2009 that pattern of disjointedness is continuing. At 10-11 the Twins are not looking too-bad in the record department. They are flailing a little bit but they are also waiting for one of their two best players to get back from the DL and they have spent the first three weeks of the season trying to figure out a rotation, a bullpen, and a lineup which have all been completely evasive in terms of consistency.

But while they may be succeeding on some fronts, if you pull back for a minute the larger question becomes obvious: How in the hell is this team 10-11?

It’s sort of like the question in 2008: how in the hell did this team, after losing Santana and Hunter, making Livan Hernandez their opening day starter and Mike Lamb their opening day third-baseman and Adam Everett their opening day shortstop, finish in a tie for first place in the AL Central?

Or in 2006: how in the hell did this team catch the Tigers after being 12 games out of first in the middle of July?

Or in 2004: how in the hell did a team that consistently featured Henry Blanco at catcher and Jose Offerman at DH and “Please God anybody but” Terry Mulholland in a role that saw him throw more than 100 innings, finish in first place by NINE GAMES??

It’s just a recurring theme with the Twins, they come into seasons with certain lowered expectations which they always seem to exceed and thus, they are a success.

So, through 21 games lets take a quick peak at the two main types of games the Twins have had this year, and how that has played into their somehow being 10-11 in-spite of being outscored by 28 runs (which is tied for the highest negative run-differential in the majors with the 4-15 Washington Nationals, the 9-13 Baltimore Orioles, and the 8-12 Arizona Diamondbacks).

Getting their asses kicked:

If we can give the Twins credit for one thing this season it is that when they lose they try and make sure they get the living piss kicked out of them. Of their 11 losses here are the drubbings:

Mon Apr. 6 - lose 6-1 to Seattle, this was the opening day somewhat massacre that basically saw Felix Hernandez hamstring the Twins offense for a dominant victory.

Key Moment: Carlos Gomez just misses making a leaping catch which would have potentially kept the Twins in the game in the sixth inning.

Sat Apr. 11 - lose 8-0 to Chicago: Bartolo Colon somehow pitches six scoreless innings as the White Sox pummel the Twins after the series had started with an emphatic Twins victory the night before.

Key Moment: Again, Bartolo Colon pitches six scoreless innings, in 2009.

Sun Apr. 12 - lose 6-1 to Chicago: Ron Gardenhire in a moment of inspiration makes the decision that because he has four outfielders one of them should play first base to give Justin Morneau a day-off. Michael Cuddyer makes two errors on one play in the fifth inning allowing the tying run to score as the Twins were leading 1-0 and Nick Blackburn was pitching insanely well.

Key Moment: Jesse Crain comes in the seventh inning with runners at first and second and one out and throws his patented laser-beam fastball to a few White Sox hitters, lead goes from 3-1 to 5-1.

Wed. Apr. 15 - Thur. Apr 16 - Twins lose two games to the Blue Jays at a combined score of 21-4. These two games were especially priceless because after the first enormous ass-kicking in the third game of the series La Velle E. Neal had a blog note the next day which said:

There are a few times during a season when the media will walk into a clubhouse after a game and find no one to talk to. That was the case last night after Toronto blasted the local nine 12-2.

Other than Scott Baker, who had to speak with us, Nick Blackburn and some coaches, the clubhouse was generally empty. This one ticked the fellas off a little bit.

So it will be interesting to see how they respond today.

They responded by losing 9-2 and as Joe Christensen wrote the next night in his blog after the loss:

Besides playing Bob Marley music, players such as Justin Morneau, Casilla, Mike Redmond and Jose Morales were lined up in front of their lockers after the game, sipping beverages and talking baseball. You don’t see that every night, and both La Velle and I were struck by this old-school move – team building after a night of tension gave way to humiliation.

I just like the fact that after one humiliating loss the Twins go for the silent/solemn approach and after another humiliating loss the next night they go for the get the beer and turn on the reggae approach.

I personally like both options.

Key Moment: The Wednesday night game was basically the apex-moment where Bryant and I both realized that the Twins had a major problem with their pitching staff on all fronts: Scott Baker (four innings, six earned, four home runs), Phil Humber (1.2 innings, three earned), R.A. Dickey (2.1 innings, one earned), Luis Ayala (one inning, two earned).

Wed. Apr. 22 - Twins lose double-header in Boston by the combined score of 17-4, including a 10-1 crushing in seven-innings where Tim Wakefield basically defecated all over the idea of R.A. Dickey’s knuckleball.

Key Moment: Trailing in the 7th inning of the first game the Twins agreed to call the game, even though the rain would most likely pass in a few hours, so that they could squeeze in the second game of the double header. Ron Gardenhire’s explanation for throwing in the towel:

When you’re down 10-1 with two men still on — it’s kind of a little silly there. How many times are you going to wait four, five hours for a rain delay? Waiting around like that, umpires aren’t going to do that. … But definitely the score of the game makes it a little easier to bang this game. What are you going to say?

This is important solely for the reason that Ron Gardenhire introduced the phrase “bang this game” into the season’s vernacular.

Mon. Apr. 27 - Twins lose 7-1 to the Tampa Bay Rays and something named Jeff Niemann.

Key Moment: Jason Bartlett goes 2-4 and in the ninth inning hits his third home run of the year. In three seasons with the Twins, Bartlett hit 10 home runs total. This continues an appalling trend known as the “Kyle Loshe Corollary” where recently departed Twins players have stellar seasons elsewhere.

To recap that’s eight of 11 losses and the Twins were outscored by a combined total of 65-11.

The other type of game the Twins have had this season?

Inched out miracles:

This has become a Twins staple and really the definition of the team as a whole. It isn’t that the Twins are going to crush you in any way, shape or form. What they will do is what happened in the first series of the season against the Mariners: after losing that Hernandez game 6-1 they win the following two nights games 6-5 - so over the course of three games they are outscored 16-13 but they win two of three. Inching it out, by any means necessary.

Tue. Apr. 7 - Twins beat the Mariners 6-5 after trailing 5-3 with two outs and no one on in the bottom of the ninth inning.

Key Moment: Carlos Gomez coaxes an eight-pitch two-out walk from Brandon Marrow. This is the second time in his career that Gomez (who often appears to only know how to swing) has worked a walk in a key situation to start a Twins rally for a walk-off win.

Wed. Apr. 8 - Twins beat the Mariners 6-5 after falling behind 5-4 early in the game. Twins get two runs in the fifth and the bullpen holds on for the victory.

Key Moment: In the fifth inning Carlos Silva gives up a lead-off walk to Denard Span who advances to second on a fielders choice but is then thrown-out trying to advance to third on a ground ball. So, with two outs and a runner at first-base Silva calmly gives up back-to-back doubles to Morneau and Kubel and the Twins get the winning runs before Silva rests for the evening having thrown 98 pitches in five innings.

Just for fun: Silva’s 2009 ERA: 6.14 - Silva’s 2009 salary: $12.25 million.

Tue. Apr. 14 - Twins win 3-2 over the Blue Jays in 11 innings. This is the Twins only win in a four-game series that saw them get outscored 31-13.

Key Moment(s): Glen Perkins allows a game-tying RBI single in the 8th inning and doesn’t get the win but has his second-straight dominant outing for a totally depleted pitching staff. Jesse Crain has his best appearance of the season going two innings and getting the win after Joe Crede has his first (and so far only?) big hit with the Twins a two-out game winning RBI double in the 11th.

Fri. Apr. 17 - In easily the biggest win of the season the Twins come back from a 8-3 deficit by scoring seven runs in the bottom of the eighth to beat the Angels 11-9. The Twins sweep the series to get back to .500.

Key Moment: Jason Kubel’s grand-slam, cycle-completing, game-winning home run.

Tue. Apr. 28 - Twins beat the Rays 3-2 after Joe Nathan gives up a solo home run in the ninth blowing his first save of the season.

Key Moment: In a perfect distillation of Justin Morneau’s overall value to the Twins he accounts for three of the team’s four RBI with a two-run home run in the first inning and a game-winning, fielder’s choice, near double-play in the bottom of the ninth.

To recap that’s five of the team’s 10 wins and the Twins outscored their opponents by a combined total of 29-23.

Now, I can’t speak for Bryant, but personally this is why I love the Twins and why I really love baseball.

We walk around in our days and it can feel like sometimes you are just getting the living hell beat out of you. You can’t find enough money, enough time, enough sleep, enough friends. You get fired, you get sick, your car breaks down, you can’t find your god damn car keys, your girlfriend leaves you, you cut your toe open on a rusty nail in your backyard, your mother calls to ask how life is going.

Sometimes it seems to me like the sad days are always sadder than the good days are good, but really that probably isn’t the case. It may seem like you’re constantly getting outscored 10-1 and only eking out the small victories of life by a hair - by a fielder’s choice ground out in the bottom of the ninth - but it’s probably more true that in the end we’re always really close to .500, and if we get a few breaks we may even end up a few games ahead of even.

So I may not have enough money, or enough friends, or enough time or talent to do what I want to do, my dreams may be slowly falling off. But, hey, is that the sun shining? Are the leaves budding on the red oak tree in the backyard? Is that a cute girl walking down the sidewalk? Oh, and oh my, is she looking this way?

It may simply be that if I bend my neck just slightly and look at things through the right prism I can notice that life is starting to get a little better, that I, in many ways, am a success.

I have a certain rule in life that I follow (one of two rules) whereby I try not to judge anything until I have absorbed it 10 times. This rule stands for most anything (except books, no one can read a book 10 times unless it’s a children’s book) CD’s, movies, friends, family members, co-workers, women, sports teams, etc. It’s a way of getting past the initial excitement you get out of something and finding out if there is a long-term possibility for true compatibility.

For instance: you take a date out to dinner once and you can basically be anybody. You can create and maintain any lie, and luckily so can she. The two of you sitting at dinner talking about your successes and your confidence and your dreams and hopes - it’s the beauty of one meeting. You can show off the best sides of you, stretch the possibilities, speak metaphorically, be vague, and you can do all of these things because it’s the first meeting…she has no idea who you are, you have no idea who she is. And, of course, you want her to be perfect and she wants you to be perfect so we all can apply the blinders and give it a whirl.

Once I was sitting with a friend of mine at a bar on a Sunday night and he brings these two girls over to the table and one of them asks me what I do for a living:

“Well, I would say that my main passion in life is writing…just trying to find sort of the metaphysical nature of the inner-soul of man and really harness that pure energy into something substantial…something that speaks to the human condition of our time, you know? It’s not just about me, and it’s not just about you, it’s about you and me and all of us, everyone here, and how close we are, and how important it is that we are sitting here, right now, in this room, in this booth, together…I’m trying to find that love that transcends the physical.”

Just complete bullshit. But, she didn’t know me. So, she thought I was the next John Donne.

But if you actually find a woman you like and you find yourself on date five some of that shine on the veneer comes off and all of a sudden some of those early indicators of composure and confidence are falling by the wayside, and by the time date 10 rolls around and your spending more time together some of those nasty habits (which we all have), that were so easy to conceal on date one, are starting to surface:

He: “So, yeah, I mean, sure I drink a bit…”

She: “Oh, I wouldn’t say that I’ve slept with a ton of guys, but, yeah, I had a stretch there in grad school…”

He: “This here, oh, no, I mean, yeah I have some porn DVD’s…what do you mean it’s a big box?”

She: “Well, so sure if we’re getting into the details of why he broke up with me you could say I was caught in a sort of sexual celebration…but it was NOT an orgy.”

I guess I’m just saying that I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find out how I want to spend my time. So I grind out the days and find my points of interest and develop my tastes. So, I wait 10, and then I think I can start making a true decision about whether or not I want to continue on seeing the woman or listening to the album or whether or not I want to kill the guy sitting next to me at work. I simply think that nothing can be judged adequately without a certain waiting period.

And for the Minnesota Twins, the waiting period is over.

At 4-6 through 10 games and with absolutely nothing in the form of consistency to show during their first three series the Twins are just kind of lying there like some monstrous carbuncle that needs to be drained.

I am not saying that there is any need for pressing concern…we’ll leave that to Bryant who has already started his Chicken Little routine…I’m simply saying that the Twins haven’t done anything to get you excited about their season and they have certainly done some things to make you worry.

Going 4-6 and getting outscored 59-37 is not the best way to start a season but at the same time consider the fact that the Twins are currently posting a team ERA of 5.70 (11th in the American League) a team batting average of .240 (13th in the American League in front of only Kansas City) and that they have scored a measly 37 runs in 10 games and there are plenty of reasons to say that being 4-6 while playing so abhorrently isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That is, of course, if they can eventually get their offense going and bring their bullpen around and get some decent efforts from any starting pitcher besides Glen Perkins.

Still, it’s the Glen Perkins of the game that should keep Twins fans feeling okay.

The prevailing hope would have to be that the Twins should feel good about the players that are over-achieving (basically Span and Perkins, and Morneau is doing his thing, but that’s expected) and that eventually some of the Twins that were expected to have solid years but are struggling - Baker, Slowey, Blackburn, Liriano, the whole bullpen, Joe Crede, Michael Cuddyer, Delmon Young, Carlos Gomez, Alexi Casilla - will get into a rhythm that will coincide perfectly with the arrival of Mauer and there will be lakes of stew and whiskey too and everything will shine sunny and bright.

We’ll have to wait to see if that happens, but at the same time things could be worse. It’s only 10 games in and there are 152 left to play and surely everything that is meant to be will be and we can decide down the road if we want to bring this team to meet our parents.

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On one last note that we here at Twinscast have no right to speak to I thought I would mention that Bryant was a huge California Angels fan when he was growing up in California and anyway it’s a sad time in L.A. or Anaheim and this was the most beautiful thing I read regarding how little baseball really means (while still perfectly speaking to why so many people find solace in the game) and I thought some of our five readers might enjoy it:

“If I may speak for every member of the Dodger organization, our heartfelt and deepest sympathies to the mother and family of Nick Adenhart, and to every member in the Angels organization, for the untimely accident and death of young Nick last night at the tender age of twenty-two. Nick, from Maryland, had pitched six scoreless innings and was in a car with three friends, and a driver apparently went through a red light and T-boned the car, killing three of the four, including Nick, and one other member is in critical condition. And if there is one thing I’ve learned in all my years — and I haven’t learned much — but the one thing I’ve learned: Don’t even waste your time trying to figure out life.

Ground ball through for Andre Ethier, and life continues for those who still have it. And with a leadoff single, Russell Martin will be coming up.

But I would say, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take a moment and say a prayer in memory for Nick, especially for his parents. What a shock to lose a twenty-two-year-old.

Andre Ethier at first base, Russell Martin the batter, James Loney on deck, and the Dodgers try to strike in the second inning against Kevin Correia.”

- transcription of Vin Scully’s broadcast following the death of Nick Adenhart.

Over the past week I have seen an inordinate amount of predictions regarding the 2009 baseball season and the Minnesota Twins. All of them are predicated on something, I just have no idea what.

Baseball Prospectus predicted that the Twins would once again finish neck-and-neck with the Chicago White Sox in the AL Central, with the Twins sneaking out a third-place finish with a record of 77-85. The formula used to figure that record is certainly a dense one - and I would never in a million years pretend that I have any right to call an esteemed publication like theirs bullshit, but lets be honest, it’s bullshit. But it isn’t just Baseball Prospectus, it’s every prediction-laden, plan-laying, crystal ball seeing, tarot card reading, sports website in America.

While they computed the 77-85 record the Prospectus wrote that the prospects for a successful 2009 Twins season boiled down to, “If the Twins can find a way to shore up one of the league’s weaker offenses, they’re also in the hunt.”

Now, what exactly is meant by “weaker” evades me. The Twins in 2008 hit the second fewest home runs in the American League, which is weak, but also managed to score the third most runs in the American League, which is not weak. They have retained most of that lineup and added a power-hitting third baseman, so what gives, what makes them a weak offensive team? Or what is it that Baseball Prospectus knows about the Twins lineup in 2009 that will make it less effective than 2008?

I’m not saying that they’re wrong, or that the opportunistic Twins offense - which thrived in 2008 by hitting an ungodly .305 with runners in scoring position (which led the league by nearly .20 points) - won’t fall back to earth. Still, while their offense may stumble in certain areas could they not just as easily thrive in others? Could Carlos Gomez hit 15 home runs? Could Delmon Young hit 15? Could Cuddyer drive in 90 runs? Will I die in a car crash?

See, for me the most shocking moment of the Twins 2008 season was when Adam Everett pulled a fake-bunt two RBI double against the Rays in mid-September. Now, for 99 percent of the season Adam Everett’s offense sat comfortably within its predicted range, but that doesn’t mean that Adam Everett or any person or player or animate object can’t at any given moment, do whatever in the hell he/she/it wants on this earth.

So, Baseball Prospectus has the Twins in third place, that’s their prediction. In 2008 they predicted a fourth place finish for the Twins and that the Mets and Yankees would both win their divisions. In fact they predicted only one division winner accurately, the Cubs, and no one cares. No one should.

It’s always important to remember that Nostradamus predicted damn near nothing right, and neither will Baseball Prospectus, and neither will I, and neither will you.

Predictions are entirely pointless. But the Internet was becoming more and more prediction and data analysis friendly long before the whole Nate Silver electoral college thing blew the shit out of the water, and now the statistical and data analysis revolution has seemingly left people numbers crazy.

Nowhere is this statistical revolution more belabored, more mind-numbing, than in baseball where analysts have basically taken a childish distraction and somewhat cerebral and athletic entertainment and turned it into methodically broken down zones of analysis.

And while the Jamesian school has grown with each passing year and his influence is without a doubt earned and respected it is important to remember that while his analysis can be viewed as predictive it is purely reflective. Now, a collection of data gathered over the course of years and years of studying a players tendency in the field, on the mound, or at the plate can be insanely effective in the course of a game and can hand an opposing team an advantage when it comes to defending or attacking that player - it is still anything but certain.

It’s funny to me that the more and more uncertain the world becomes, the harder it becomes to even understand the things that are happening in the world in real time, people tend to become more and more concerned with trying to see what will happen in the future. We can no longer be immersed in the event - be it a game, the stock market, the actions of a president, or a night out with friends - we have to first build up the anticipation, the pregame show, the predictions of the outcome, who will win? who will lose? what will it all be like, in the future, so soon from now?

“Well Jimmy, when the game is over in three hours what do you think the major storyline will be?”

“Oh, that’s easy Stu…”

“Sarah can you imagine how much fun we’re going to be having in a couple of hours? We are going to be soooo hammered and having soooo much fun…”

“I know, like, I can’t even imagine how much fun that will be!”

“Well what will the first 100 days in office hold for President Obama?”

“I can tell you that Glenn, in fact I have here a calendar with the exact details of what will most likely be happening minute to minute during the first 100 days President Obama is in office.”

And before you know it the event is over and briefly we can look back over it and consider what has happened, consider the “importance” and wonder what went wrong with our predictions? What went wrong with our plans? Were we right, were we wrong, does it matter, could it matter, will it matter? The event is over, the night is past, and we move on to something new, some new thing somewhere down the road in some distant space. We will always need that new thing out in our future to fill our curiosity of what it (meaning our life) will be like when that happens.

But all of this star-gazing remains pointless because there is no such thing as the perfect prediction. And even if Silver can accurately predict the outcome of 49 of 50 states in the 2008 general election and nail the popular vote down within something like 1.1 percentage points, there will always be that one state, that 1.1 percent, that Adam Everett fake-bunt game-winning double. There will always be life and it will always be a mystery.

With that in mind here are our:

2009 non-baseball related Minnesota Twins predictions!

Delmon Young will get a new car, with the wood-trim package and black leather.

Justin Morneau will announce the arrival of a new child to earth, it may or may not be his child.

Norm Coleman will quietly attend a Twins game, no one will know.

There will be pranks in the clubhouse.

Joe Mauer will stay single, but a new love interest will come into his life. It will be her radiant brown hair which draws in the batting champ.

There will be team slogans and cheers.

A few confused fans will go to Target Field thinking the new stadium is already open, will find construction.

Nick Punto will be married.

The economy will be talked about by Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven as it relates to Twins tickets sales, they will mess up either an essential figure or a rudimentary economic concept.

Bill Smith will hold a press conference.

Carlos Gomez will have a dream.

The lights in Minneapolis will flicker on near dusk.

America will prosper.

God will love.

You will be a success.

2009 prediction: 92-70 (First place)